Tuesday, September 23, 2008
To move or to not move...
ok, so I've been thinking a lot and there are so many reasons to stay at my parents house for awhile but Steven keeps giving me reasons to leave. I want to leave but I dont. People help me out!!! What should we do?? Stay and save more so we can get a house here or move so we arent bothering anyone and are on our own? we would be saving there too but not as much as we would if we stayed. Since we have already told everyone we are leaving and we have told Steven's aunt and uncle we want the place we are kinda in a bind. My dad was all excited about us moving out and him finally get the rooms back. Plus i hate to leave ryan and jannica! :) But if we moved we might be a littler happier. Our marriage isnt as good as we hoped for but like everyone says it takes time especially considering the circumstances as to why we got married in the first place. Of course I love him and he loves me but having kids before we sealed the deal has def made it harder. Not only can we not spend time alone and do stuff on our own, we didt really get to live our lives like we would've wanted to. I def dont know what my life would be like without Gavin or Aiden but it def would be different. I dont regret keeping them but i do always wonder what i would be doing or what my life would be like if i had chosen otherwise. Anyways back to our little dilemma... I dont know what to do because i want to do both but we cant. But in all honesty steven is the one to be convincing. Hes the one that wants to move because he feels a little weird living here but he needs to get over it. Well anyways give me some feed back on what u guys think we should do...HELP!!
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5 comments:
Melissa,
I have read your last post over and over, and thinking and thinking about what to tell you.
Firstg let me tell you that thr first year Tom and I were married,every pther week, one of us was going to file a divorce. I have actually gone thru 4 wedding rings sets.ONe I ran over on purpose, one I threw in the year another one went down the toilet. But 15 years later, we are stll together. I am like you, I hate to hve to depend on others to live.But honey, ya'll are still young. And talk to Ryan,sometime. His mother in law lived with them the first two months after they were married. It was rocky for them too. I know they love each other and I also know how hard being married can. Especially if you have kids right off. Melissa, if loving your kids was all that it took to raise them right, then I would have had a houseful. But it takes more. Like money. Tom didn't used to hold a job for very long and I finally had enough. I came up to Addison for a while, Scott was in school there. Any way, he finally decided that he needed to grow up and that he loved me and that he had to support us. Like I said,,15 years later we are still here.
I can't tell yoiou what too do, but NEVER feel bad about needing help. WE all do at some point in ourlives. Without Grandma and PaPaw, my kids would not have had very good Christmases. The same thing with Lanice. And she had Granny. And if not for Lanice, some days I didn't have a clue how to feed my kids. So please don't feel bad.
I always am finding new phrases or sayings and I went thru my papers and found some things that I rely on.
1. To love and be loved is the greatest gift.
2. Try as husbands and wives, not to be tgoo demanding.( well, I usually flunk that part,just because I think every man has to have a push every now and then, and I am "Always" right.
3. To believe is to know in your heart that life is happening exactly like it is suppose to.To believe is to look for hidden gifts in every new day.After all,who knows, something wonderful may happen today. Have faith that it will, after all every neww morning is a chance at a new day.
4. And to presume to know the will of God is fruitless .But I know that marriage has to be not too demanding. How us Curlee women manage it is hard to explan.As David O.McKay said,"there is no success for failure in the home". He always treated his bride as if she were a queen.I always thought that I would have that. I do with
Tom.
In marriage there has to be give and take and a great deal of flexibility and fierce loyalty to mae a happy hime.
Tell Steven, to give it a little more time there. It is overwhelming to come onto this family. Kris still has a really hard time.Especially since everyone is having babies and scott, the dummy, says two more years.
Melissa, don't give up to early. And as Lanice has always told me, "Forgive yourself", and that is the hardest thing in the world to do. I am 50 something and still trying to do that,. And we all really do grow with age and during those trials and tribulations. You will to. You have 3 beatuiful children and they will be your lifeline so many times.And even tho it is hard to talk to grandma, talk to her and paPaw. Even now when Tom and I have a really big desision, we get their advice. Because they have more experience. But on the other hand,putting a little distannce is a good thing, but if you move you would have to quit your job at the Cafe Pig and tho it'doesn't pay much, it is a job. The other advantage is that you won't have to pay a babysitter if you stay, You will always have some one to help you.Sometimes, I used to think I was only working to pay a babysitter.
Melissa you are a beautiful and a great Mom.
Last, get Scott to give you that book about ways for husbands and wives to love and live together.
I will always be here for you;. my life has never been easy. Partly because of choices I made, but I would not have Ryan and Scott, and Hunter in my life if I hadn't made those choices.
And what ever you do,
remember that I BELIEVE IN YOU
NOW YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
Grandma Vicki saying, rtrust your heart. and p.s. your dad will be just fine if you stay there. I know that Grandmaand PaPAw will.
sorry about the typos. TOM GOT A NEW KEYBOARD AND MY NAILS GET CAUGHT IN THE KEYBOARD. AND i GET IN TO BIG OF A HURRY.
VICKI
Okay, first I'll be selfish. I want you to stay so you will be my piano player for Primary. We love you and would miss you. You know what how to find the best answer == You and Steven get on your knees and pray about it. You both will know what the right answer will be. It's hard being married with kids coming first, but, it works out. The first year of marriage is hard anyways, getting used to each other. You and Steven have to make time for each other. There is enough people around that would love to watch your kids so you can go out on dates. But, always go to the Lord for your answers together!!!! Love ya Shay
Hi my little friend! I miss sitting by you and talking about all the stuff going on in our lives. (I hate sitting up front) Ok only YOU can change the way you feel about your life. I think ya'll should stay at your parents house and save some money. It is so to make it these days that if you have a chance to not pay rent some place and you can save money that is the best thing. Ok for Steven to feel weird at the house, well ya'll are in one wing of the house, and your parents aren't around all that much. I will watch your boys for you so you can go on dates with each other. You have to take time for each other, or things will start to go bad. Trust me, I know! Also you don't have to put your life on hold. You can go to night school at a college, take some courses on line. Just find time for you, or you will start to question your life. Make sure you are happy, and then those around you will be happy to. Like the old saying goes, "if mama ain't happy, aint't nobody happy!" I'm a true believer in that. I know you don't want to hear this, but get your temple recommend, the temple is so peaceful and quiet, there you will be able to hear answers to your prayers and life can be better. I love you! Shondra
Hey girl its Kris. I just happened to look at your blog for like the second time ever. I just thought i would leave some of my unasked for advise:)
Just know that every relationship is a work in progress. If you stop working on it it will die. Every relationship has rocky times but thats what relationships is all about. To love and to learn and to grow closer together.
You got to way out your options with your family. In marriage your husband comes first. whether you had the kids first or not. When they are grown and gone you will be with steven and him alone. you need to work on your relationship with your husband. Ya the first year of marriage can be rocky but it does not have to be. Scott took me further away from my parents on purpose when we first got married so i could learn to grow up and learn to be my own person on my own without familys opinions coming at me every which way. And now that i think back on it, it was the best thing for us. I am not saying anything bad about my family cause i love them more than anything and i am so close to them. But family can be a big wall for a relationship sometimes. And you know, now, we have an amazing marriage. ya i may have only been married for a couple of years but the last two years has been the happiest. Scott and i love to just be with each other. We have learned each others personalities (thanks to books) and we have learned to sacrifice a little so the other will be happy and in turn you are happy. With your kids thing, i got no clue but find time for yourself and steven. I am really glad scott and i dont have kids right, i think i would go crazy if i did. But i respect you so much and what an awesome mom you are. you have given up a lot and a lot of people cant handle that. Melissa you are so strong. You have amazing kids. you have an awesome husband. You have an amazingly great family already! you dont realize how much i want that sometimes. And you know, i will when the lord wants us to start a family. Just think of all the good things girl! You have a great guy that loves you. think of all the things that you respect him for and tell him. i promise it will do wonders;)
Anyway, i got off on a tangent...think about steven, think how you would feel living with people you barely know. And think how you would feel if people looked at you different because of certain things that happened. not saying that anyone does at all, but think how it would feel. it is hard on a person and very stressful.
And Ya you may save some money, but for what cost? Look at the future. You both want a house a nice home for your kids, and if you want it bad enough you will do what you need to to get it. Your family loves you so much melissa and you are very blessed to have such an amazing family to help you out so much. Anyway, dont know if this even helped at all but just know Scott and i love you and steven and we just want to see you guys have an awesome marriage and a prosperous life. We love you! Call me sometime:)
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